Archive for the ‘Change’ Category
The main barriers to change or to attaining personal goals:
Fear of success
Fear of failure
Lack of organization
Poor time management
Lack of vision
Goals which are too small (not motivating)
Goals which are too big (frightening)
Lack of self-esteem
Fear of leaving comfort zone
Fear of responsibility
Reality is neutral. It is the meaning we give things with our egos that oftentimes screw things up.
Event plus response=outcome.
Every outcome we experience is the result of how we have responded to a particular event.
We can choose our response to an event to attain the outcome we want, e.g. being okay with a wrong somebody caused us instead of reacting angrily.
State a few goals succinctly for each of these different areas of your life. Describe to yourself how realizing these goals will improve your life. How will you feel when you have reached your goals? Describe a multisensory scene in which you obtain the benefits of reaching your goals using the present tense. Finally, what positive beliefs will help you reach your goals?
Put your letter away and read it on December 31, 2011. You’ll be astonished with the results!
Blame doesn’t really get us anywhere. What does is taking responsibility for our lives.
The key: it is not the difficult situation or the roadblocks that must be changed but the way we view the roadblocks.
The point is not to find who is at fault but rather to find out one thing I can do to make something work. Taking 100% responsibility for our lives.
“People usually want the results guaranteed before they make the commitment. But unless you make the commitment to get the goal you’ll always be stuck with the roadblocks and impossibilities…so what you do is listen to all the impossibilities play through in your head and when they start to diminish a bit you get on with finding ways of making it happen. I still don’t believe I can do it, but that has nothing to do with it. I’m making every effort.” (Martin Rutte, lifestyle management consultant)
The difference with this approach and positive thinking is the way we approach a negative belief. With positive thinking, you try to ignore it.
But that’s an impossible task when you make big goals beyond reasonable expectations. The roadblocks and barriers are larger than the individual.
“The key is to acknowledge these barriers, our beliefs, and move around them or shift the emphasis.” (M.R.)
You have your negative beliefs and you also are responsible for getting the results because you are committed to attaining them!
This is a very powerful force and a whole new way of thinking and living. Taking responsibility is tremendously empowering.
Want to make a change in your career? Dick Bolles, author of What Colour is your Parachute, suggests using your gifts. They have an energy that needs expression. In other words, it comes down to finding expression for things that matter to you. “Each of us has talents of which we may be unaware which enable us to do certain things. One person might be a whiz at saving money while another exhibits great listening skills…You may have a gift that other people have but you also have other gifts and it’s the way you string those gifts together, much like the beads on a necklace that makes you the person you are.”
Bolles’ key message is to get to know yourself before you figure out where you fit in the world. Experienced job search coaches such as Donald Smith (Montreal, Quebec) know that it is essential to take the time to create a clear, detailed picture of your key talents and your life then to go find it. “What you decide you want has to really matter to you.” It is much easier to hit a target when you have one. When you know your destination, it is a hundred times easier to find it.
Finally, it takes time to understand what really matters to you and to know what your essential natural talents are. The effort is well worth the price to pay!Working with a coach will help you reach your goal faster and more effectively!
Now that we’ve all decided that this is as good a time as any for a recession (‘What you focus on is what you get’), here are some tips for transforming our old way of life:
- Cut back on useless expensive items and cook dinner for your friends, get them a nice bottle of wine or beautiful flowers
- Spend more time with family and friends. Go for a walk, spend some time catching up or writing to old acquaintances. Rekindle friendships.
- Take the time to live in the moment. Contemplate a sunset; go to a botanical gardens and smell the flowers; make the best of those moments; savor time and the people around you; volunteer at a hospital or go spend time with individuals who need attention and affection. Get a dog or cat and learn from them.
- Join a group; a dance class; get involved helping others. Helping others, dixit the science of positive psychology is THE answer to everything and a shortcut to happiness.
- Now is a good time to do something different or new. When is the last time you’ve done something for the VERY FIRST TIME? Now, is the time to do it again and reap the joy. Leave your comfort zone behind…Create that new vision for yourself and your environment.
- Focus on prosperity and wealth…and encourage others to do the same thing. You’ll soon see the recession recede. I promise.
It is said that more than 40% of the people in the workforce fear retirement.
The principal challlenge for individuals considering retirement is to look at the things they identify with. A person’s ego can be totally identified with a role or a position in society. People connect achievements with who they are. Indeed, the challenge of retirement is to find a sense of purpose beyond the job or social context of a career. When I once asked one of my colleagues if he had ever considered retiring, he looked at me and said: “But who would phone me if I retired?” Much of his identity was dependent on his colleagues and network at work.
The retirement process is especially difficult for individuals who have put all their eggs in the ‘career basket’. These people have not developed relationships outside of work and once they leave the nest, they find themselves isolated and lonely. Not having dedicated time to developing new interests and relationships, retirement is experienced as a stressful time. Combine this with the lose of status, attachment to a job title or a perceived important position in a hierarchy, an individual will have many new challenges to confront when considering retirement.
Finally, many people associate retirement with preparing to die! Their perception is that this stage of life means poor health and sickness which is far from reality.
The answer: create a vision, find a sense of inner purpose and make objectives and a plan for the next 3 years. Phasing into retirement is commonplace nowadays and offers a soft landing, a positive transitional period and time to refine the plan. Consider retirement as just another type of lifestyle the same way individuals do when they get married and have children and find a new job. The best time to prepare for retirement is when you still have a job. Sit down with a life coach and begin making a plan!
“The alternative to accepting change is terrible indeed. We all know people caught in this no-win situation, holding on for dear life to things they cannot control…Without remaining open to change, we cannot remain open to life; this is the sometimes-frightening truth which we must confront as we get older. The desire to control change is our greatest obstacle to wisdom.”
Ram Dass in Still Here; ISBN 1-57322-049-3